On your first date...

On a first date, it's usually better to leave topics that involve really deep feelings to a later occasion. Concentrate on making friends with each other.

The best advice, though, is to play it by ear, stay attuned and trust your instincts. If s/he tells you something really important, take it seriously.

Try to be a good speaker and a good listener. Your date wants to find out about you, so communicate clearly and honestly, and pay attention when your date is speaking about him/herself.

Things can move on a little on a second date. After all, you have established that you like each other enough to meet again. You could make the occasion a bit different by suggesting you do something related to interests you found you had in common on your first date, such as a walk in the country, or a visit to a gallery or exhibition. It doesn’t have to be a formal evening out. Don't push it, though. Your date might have different ideas.

The end of the evening
The end of the evening can be a peculiarly difficult time. How do you extricate yourself if one meeting was enough for you? Or, if you want to see your date again, how can you assess whether they feel the same way? Here are a few tips.

1. It might make you feel more in control if YOU initiate the ending of the evening. If you want to extricate yourself, then you can decide when to put your exit strategy into action. If you would like to see the person again, then you can make sure the evening ends in a positive, unhurried way and that you have time to say what you want to.

2. If you don’t intend to contact someone again, don’t leave them with the impression that you will. This is unfair. There are ways to give the message, without being too brutal. Honesty is best, but hard to carry out, so some thought in advance will help you find words for this. Whatever happens, be friendly and say that you’ve really enjoyed the evening. Leave the other person their dignity and self-respect.

3. Planning or hoping for sex on a first date isn’t usually a good idea. If you are both clearly keen and up for it, that’s another matter. But think of it like this: if you really like each other, there will be lots of time for wonderful sex in the future, if things continue to go well. Keep something back, enjoy the anticipation and let the sexual tension build over the first few meetings!

4. If you suspect you like your date more than s/he likes you, then be friendly, say you’d really like to see them again but that you’ll leave the ball in their court as far as another meeting goes. Don’t be off-hand about this – just be clear that you are leaving them space to think about it. To avoid subsequent agonies, make sure they know where you work, or some other way to get hold of you, in case they really do accidentally delete your mobile number…

5. If you have had a good time and would like to repeat the experience, say so. Honesty and communication are vital in a relationship, so you might as well start out by saying what you mean. And if you get similar honest communication in return, this bodes well for the future.

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